Wednesday, December 7, 2011

How to Not Be a Hipster

Everyone knows that hipsters don’t actually to admit to being hipsters. It’s the paradox of being one—you can’t admit to it because then you’d be putting yourself into a socio-economic box and hipsters don’t live in boxes that aren’t made of cardboard. So any time you ask someone who dresses like a cracked out Richard Simmons if they are a hipster, they immediately belt out, between sips of cheap beer and a cloud of organic cigarette smoke, “Hell no!” Why can’t they admit to conforming to an inherently non-conformist way of life? I’d imagine it’s for the same reason some Christians still think warfare is what God wants: people are dumb as shit.

By the transitive property, then, the only way to prove that you are not a hipster is to take this paradox to the next level. The next time someone asks you, sports fan who only shops at the mall, “Are you are a hipster?”, the only logical answer is to belt out, between sips of Miller Lite and the horribe smoke of a cheap cigar, “Hell yeah!”